Talk Like a Pirate

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Uh, I mean, Yarr! 'Tis be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Rock on.

There's tons of websites with good pirate content, but take five minutes and listen to the famous (in England) Million Pound Radio Show sketch Pirate Training Day. It's funny.

Much less funny, I had a piece about the holiday published today. Happily, I managed to work in a mention of Pastafarianism. Unhappily, my editor cut the pointers on how to talk like a pirate. Arr! So I've self-published them.

Talking Like a Pirate: The Basics

It may seem daunting at first, but talking like a pirate is just a matter of practice. Follow these pointers and soon ye’ll be leavin’ landlubber talk behind ye.

• “Hello!” is “Ahoy!”, “yes” is “aye”, and “a wealthy merchant” is soon “gone down to Davy Jones’ locker”.
• Pirates always speak in the present tense. “I have been plundering vessels for some time now,” is properly said, “Aarr! For many a year I be a gentleman o’ fortune.”
• All instances of “is” become “be” and the pronoun “my” becomes “me”. So the observation, “Whoah! There is a big bag of gold coins over there,” is instead, “Shiver me timbers! Thar be treasure.”
• Gerunds lose their terminal “g”. Pirates like sailin’, pillagin’, and drinkin’ (actually that last one should be “splicin’ the mainbrace”).
• Beginners should start sentences with a hearty “Aarr!”* You’ll find it’s easier to continue from there.

*It’s “Aarr!” or "Yarr!”, not “Arrgh!” Pirates say “Aarr!” People unwilling to part from their jewels say, “Arrgh!” Well, they do when run through with a cutlass.