For a little extra spending money, I referee volleyball games. Mostly intramural games on campus, but also 5th-8th grade girls’ games all over the city. The pay’s not bad, and the girls’ games at least are easy. Their play is not quite up to the bump-set-spike level; it's quite a sensation when the balls stays inbounds for more than a minute.
I was officiating at a girls’ game the other evening and a mom kept yelling, “C’mon girls!” in such a way that my brain immediately responded, “Do you believe in love? Cuz I got something to say about it, and it goes something like this!” Mom kept yelling it periodically and every time I was unable to stop myself. It was like a Pavlovian Madonna-song trigger.
During the break between games, I started to wonder if there were other such Material Girl-dependent switches buried in me. I ran down a list of Madonna songs and was troubled to realize that, when someone says "God?", a gospel chorus starts "oooh"-ing in my mind followed by church organ and Ms. Ciccone singing, "Life is a mystery..." I also think, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, but that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.
Sadly I must conclude that if I was dressed in rubber clothes, then handed a crop and a Chihuahua, I would be unable to resist fake-spanking the dog.