Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Nursing student convention hijinks

Several weeks ago I went to the Texas student nurse convention with a large contingent of fellow UT-Austin students. The house of delegates stuff where we heard reports from officers and worked through resolutions was predictably boring. After years of being involved in the Green Party where we use consensus decision-making, it was agonizing to sit through the formal stuffiness of Roberts Rules of Order (the common method in the US).

One of the resolutions was awful; badly written, uninformed, and rife with "blame the poor" attitude. As I was an alternate delegate at the time, I went to the mic and spoke against it. Apparently, when I got up to speak, the UT-Austin contingent in the back all went, "Oh shit, John is throwin' down." Apparently my reputation for not suffering fools gladly has gotten around.

Aside from the procedural stuff, it was dorky fun to "talk shop" with others. I cracked up when one girl said she couldn't eat spicy food because "it makes me really diaphoretic." In regular people parlance that means sweaty.

Most of us were 21 or over and there was a little social drinking. Tongues were loosened and thankfully someone was taking notes.

A collection of entertaining quotes:

Girl: "I don't know how anyone could be a lesbian. I love penis."

"Every patient I've ever had has had pendulous breasts."

"M_______, be sober."

"I couldn't pronounce his name, so I just called him Zoloft."

"Uh, I'm not gay though."

"We aren't doing business drunk."

"I'm not getting some pussy, so give me some drugs."

"I think it tastes good." (one guess what "it" is)

"Haven't you ever played the game 'Just the Tip'?"

Mocking a girl's comment, a guy says, "We'll just wait until our next Pap Smear."

"Madame President needs a beer."

"All I was doing was coming home from 6th St. and I put my ID in my pocket. After that I wanted to have sex so I guess it just got bent."

Girl: "I HATE anal sex."

Girl tells a guy in reference to rubbing up against her, "If you did that I would get a boner."

"I basically like any kind of liquid."

Guy: "When I'm at the gym all I see are old balls."

Vegetarian girl: "I haven't eaten meat in four years."
Me: "K____, cock is totally meat."

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