Rectum, reptile, whatever

Tonight I was reminded of a patient that was seen in the ER last summer when I worked there. A quick check of the blog confirmed that I inexplicably hadn't shared this story yet. I heard it second-hand, but I believe it to be accurate.

A frequent flyer (patient that comes in often) strode up to the triage desk and when he wasn't tended to immediately begain knocking on the desk,
"Uh excuse me, excuse me, I need to be seen."
"What brings you in today?" asked the triage nurse.

The patient matter-of-factly stated that his ass was bleeding, probably due to anal sex (I guess he wasn't doing it right). The triage nurse misheard him, but being an ER triage nurse who's seen it all, nonchalantly asked,
"What kind of animal?"
"Animal?!" the patient exclaimed.
"Didn't you say animal sex?"
"Uh-uh. A-NAL sex. Janeesha does not do animals."